How Chocolate And Coffee Spark Safer, Kinder Communities

What if a warm cup and a square of chocolate could turn fear into trust? We sit down with speaker and community builder Andrea Putting, the heart behind Chocolate and Coffee Break, to explore how small, shared rituals help people feel safe, heard, and human again. Born from the aftermath of the Sydney siege and the #IllRideWithYou wave of solidarity, Andrea’s simple practice has grown from a single day into a year-round movement that workplaces, neighborhoods, and friends can use to bridge differences.

We unpack why familiar rituals matter: holding a cup signals safety, scent and taste soften defenses, and a slow tempo gives room for honesty. Andrea makes a clear distinction between listening to reply and listening to understand, showing how presence, gentle questions, and even shared silence help people tell the stories they rarely voice. From conversations across faiths to a moving account of a transgender guest finding space to heal, she shows how attention, not argument, changes outcomes.

You’ll hear practical steps for creating safe space—put away the phone, start with common ground, use noninvasive “heartwarming” prompts—and how to scale the ritual from one-on-one to group gatherings and even fundraisers. We talk about belonging as prevention: noticing the person at the edge before harmful groups offer their counterfeit version of community. The result is a quiet, durable form of kindness that anyone can practice today.

If you’re ready to replace division with presence and curiosity, this conversation offers a map you can use on your next break. Subscribe for more thoughtful stories, share this with someone who needs a gentle nudge toward connection, and leave a review to help others find the show. Who will you invite for your next Chocolate and Coffee Break?

This podcast is a proud member of the Mayday Media Network — your go-to hub for podcast creators. Whether you’re just starting a podcast and need professional production support, or you already host a show and want to join a collaborative, supportive podcast network, visit maydaymedianetwork.com

Still Changing a World: Small Acts of Kindness That Make a Big Difference invites you to notice the quiet, everyday moments where you can change someone’s day—and maybe their life. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by outrage and noise but still believe in human connection, this book will encourage you to keep showing up with courage, compassion, and practical kindness. Grab your copy here:

Join the movement of kindness! When you shop The So Do You Collection, you’re not just getting inspiring merch—you’re helping make a difference. A portion of every purchase supports local and national nonprofits that spread kindness where it’s needed most. Explore the collection now.

Intro music: ‘Human First’ by Mike Baker – YouTube Music: https://youtu.be/wRXqkYVarGA | Podcast: Still Here, Still Trying | Website: www.mikebakerhq.com

Transcript

Introducing Andrea And The Movement

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Welcome to the kindness matters podcast. I know item. Each chair helps spread the light a little further. Because when it comes to kindness, the riff of that is the limitless. Hey, hello, and welcome everybody. Thank you so much for joining us today on the Kindness Matter podcast. I'm your host, Mike Rathman. In case you've never listened before, that's who you're listening to. I just want to say thank you so much for. You know, we're all really, really, really busy these days, and some of us more than others, and we're being pulled in every direction. And the fact that you chose to take 30-ish minutes of your time and listen to our podcast is just mind-blowing to me, and I appreciate it, and I thank you so much. We have such an amazing show for you today. My guest today is Andrea Pudding. Did I do that wrong? Putting? No, that was perfect. Pudding. Okay. Andrea Pudding. She is the heart behind Chocolate and Coffee Break, a gentle but powerful movement that uses simple shared moments like a hot drink and a square of chocolate to spark real conversation, empathy, and social change. Drawing on her experience as a speaker, author, and community builder, she invites people, workplaces, and communities to slow down, listen deeply, and discover how everyday kindness can dissolve fear, bridge differences, and create a culture of genuine human connection. Welcome to the show, Angela. Thanks so much for having us, for being on.

SPEAKER_04 3:13

Thanks, Mark. It's a real pleasure to be here with you to share some time.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Oh, the pleasure is really all mine. This is this is when I found out about this, this is such a great story. And I it just it needs to be told. And I think I think it can inspire a lot of people to to do exactly this. Um, so it the the movement is called coffee and chocolate. Chocolate.

SPEAKER_04 3:40

Chocolate first. Chocolate and coffee break. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

Okay. Chocolate and coffee. I apologize. The wheels are coming off, Andrea.

SPEAKER_04 3:51

It depends on it depends on where your mind is. Is your mind a coffee first mind or a chocolate first mind? Mine's a chocolate first.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Okay. I don't know if I had to if I had to choose being able to have only one or the other, I'm not sure I could. That'd be like a Sophie's choice kind of situation right there.

SPEAKER_04 4:13

Well, you don't have to, you can have them both in my book.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Yay! So how how did chocolate and coffee get started?

SPEAKER_04 4:26

Yeah, so this was an inspiration that came to me pretty much 11 years ago. Uh there was a an event that happened in Sydney, Australia, which is I was gonna say about a thousand kilometers away from me. Um that you work in metric, you can work that out yourself.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

Yeah, it's a ways away.

SPEAKER_04 4:51

But that that's the next capital city from where we are. It's you know, we're a big country.

SPEAKER_02 4:56

And what was what happened was that a gunman who is a Muslim um took hostage, a chocolate and coffee coffee cafe.

From One Day To A Year-Round Practice

SPEAKER_04 5:11

They um so he was claiming to do this in the name of Allah. He had an ISIS flag, he had, you know, in in the name of God written or something written on his on his hat, all this kind of stuff. And so the people were taken hostage for for quite some time, and it ended with the gunman and two innocent victims being killed. So in the aftermath of that, there was fear, especially within the Muslim community, that they would be a target for retaliation against this. Now, obviously, they had nothing to do with this. As it turned out, the man the man was a known psycho who caused a lot of havoc. So um, but they were they were afraid. They were afraid to leave their homes, they were afraid to, if they were out in the streets, they were taking off their religious garb because they thought they would be it have a target on their back. But what happened was there was this outpouring of love and support. People were 150,000 people in just in Sydney put up on social media the hashtag I will ride with you, offering to ride public transport with Muslims to ensure their safety. Wow. Now to me, that was such a beautiful moment. It's like we will not bow down in hate and terror, we will rise up in love and acceptance. And so I just thought that was just this magical moment. It was a horrendous thing that happened, but here was this magical moment of people coming out who were normally the silent majority and saying, This is how we want to live our life. We want people to feel accepted and safe in our community. And so that sat with me for quite some time. Um, and it started to come up to the following year. So that happened on December 15, 2014. So, you know, around October, I said to my mum, when's chocolate and coffee day? And she said, I don't know. I have never heard of it. And I was like, oh, damn, I have to start it. And so I just went from there and I just that year it was, and for quite a few years it was just simply on that day, I would encourage people to reach out to someone who is different to them, whether it be religion, culture, or any kind of difference that you don't understand. Sure. And and share a chocolate and a coffee and just listen to each other's stories. So that was where it started with chocolate and coffee day for religious harmony. But you know, do we want to have chocolate and coffee just one day a week, a year? Or do we want to, you know, it just has so many opportunities to open up and to encourage people to come together over these simple rituals of sharing chocolate and coffee so that we can break down the barriers that that are dividing our communities. And, you know, if we get to see divisions of communities at any time, it's right now.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

Oh, for sure. It is there are parallels to what you're describing going on where I live right now.

SPEAKER_02 8:36

Of course, yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

But we're not gonna talk about that. We're talking about the the energy. Uh you and now you're also a public speaker, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:49

Yes.

Why Simple Rituals Create Safety

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Um and you've done so much work. When you created a chocolate and coffee break as a way to bring people together, what is it about these simple rituals? I mean, really, it doesn't get much more simple than just chocolate and coffee and sitting down and having a conversation that uh that opens people up to being seen, do you think?

SPEAKER_04 9:25

Well that's that was part of the thing was that to me it seemed like such a simple thing to do. And we can all pretty much we can somehow afford to sit down with a cupper of some sort, even if it's a quarter, but we can afford to sit down with have a cupper with somebody, and you know, you can get the cheapest bit of chocolate, whatever. I don't care what you're eating, but let's to me the other thing with it is that sitting down over a cupper, there we all do it. It transcends all cultures, all religions.

SPEAKER_03 10:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 10:04

What's in the cup may differ, but it's still that experience, and that experience of sitting with a cup in your hands gives us a sense of safety because we know it. It's a place we are safe. Is it?

SPEAKER_03 10:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:22

So that helps to start with that kind of familiar uh familiarity that that is is there in that ritual. And the chocolate, well, you know, chocolate, chocolate's pretty special. It has that amazing aroma and teasingly it has all those amazing feel-good endorphins. So, you know, it's a language of love. You give it to somebody when you want to you want to open, open up to something. So it does have some magic in it with that, but a lot of it is just that simple place where we all find something familiar, we all find something safe, that we can we've already found that place where we connect. We have this, we all have this ritual in some sort. So it's that in the start, first place that allows it to open up.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

These conversations they I think and correct me if I'm wrong, they they really help people feel seen. Would you agree with that?

SPEAKER_04 11:39

Absolutely. And I've because I've had many.

SPEAKER_03 11:45

What?

Listening To Understand, Not To Fix

SPEAKER_04 11:46

When you sit down with someone who who is, like I said, different to you in some way. And so, you know, there's people that I've reached out to and I've sat with that they may be hurting, they may be, I don't know. Sometimes there's just something you go, you know, if I could just sit down with them, maybe, maybe I can understand what's going on, or maybe I can see something that I haven't seen. And because I'm open to listening to their story, they get that opportunity to to tell me things that maybe other people aren't asking. Other people aren't listening. They think nobody wants to know or nobody nobody wants to hear. So a lot of it is that we have to we have to be willing to be open, yes, and we have to be willing to listen, but not in a way that is about me responding. It's about me listening to understand so that I can get a glimpse of their perspective. Where did that idea come from? What what in their life has led to that? So there's lots of experiences like that that you know there's some of them just sit very heavy, not heavy in my heart, but actually light in my heart because I have because of the way that they've responded and some of them come back to me every now and get then and say how much it's meant to them that I I just sit and listen to them when when they needed it.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Yeah, because it's it's all about telling stories, right? Yeah, very very much. So how does telling stories, our stories the person that we're sitting with or me or you how does that help them feel seen rather than judged or fixed It's it's really about our response to them.

SPEAKER_04 14:18

So this is when I learned when I discovered that while I say, just get a chocolate and a coffee and sit down with someone, listen to their story. Some people they really need a little bit of guidance for various reasons. So introverts need a little bit of help, and then in some ways to get started, but they're great listeners. Whereas other people are used to for making sure there's constant conversation, that's not what we're about. So it's that sitting and listening and making sure that we're present with somebody.

SPEAKER_02 14:56

It's really about that presence.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

Yeah, for sure. Um and and really you you kind of nailed it with the you have to be open to having a conversation, to listening first, right? And I I think that's we as people, I think, we're so used to conversing this way, right? By typing absolutely responses. And that's okay, that might get philosophical, because I might just go into that. That's how that's how this country got ruined. That's how this civilization was ruined by keyboards.

SPEAKER_04 15:47

Yeah. Um the thing is also it's about being I think it's being vulnerable in your listening as well.

SPEAKER_03 15:54

Yeah.

Safety, Identity, And Being Seen

SPEAKER_04 15:55

Because listening to somebody's else's story, it can be triggering. And it can open you up to to different things. I'm not trying to put people off, I'm trying to encourage people to do this. Um and you don't necessarily have to share what's what's what is, but if you feel safe to share, then you you created a space where someone else feels safe. So if you can share as well, but really it's it's a piece of magic, but it's also what I find interesting in uh as I've created friendships over time, is that when someone first comes into my my sphere and they sit with just me for for some time, they have to get used to the idea of silence. And I think this is an important thing to bring in to um chocolate and coffee break is that sometimes in a conversation there is silence, and that's okay. It's not just okay, it's good. It just gives you that breath. And you don't have to fill every second of a conversation.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

Yeah, oh for sure. Um now you you've had conversation across faiths, across communities, um backgrounds. What do you see as the biggest barriers that keep people from allowing themselves to be seen?

SPEAKER_02 17:42

I'm gonna come back to being safe.

SPEAKER_04 17:44

They they don't feel safe in doing that. What will people think? Will they be judgmental? Will how are they gonna respond? I'm gonna go straight to a um an example that is relatively recent and very much a part of what's going on in the world at the moment, is that I've spent time speaking to a a Jewish woman, and I've been I reached out to her two years ago with the whole thing in October, and so I just sat and listened to her. Now, at the time, that was such a massive thing to her because she did not feel safe to say to the world, I'm Jewish. She's extremely proud of being Jewish, sure, but she did not feel safe in sharing that because she didn't know how people were going to respond to what she said or how it would affect her business. So um it's very much about our safety on all sorts of levels. That was a physical safety, it can be our emotional safety, it can be our spiritual safety, it can be space safety on a lot of levels, and qu and a lot is mental health as well. So um being withdrawn into that mental mentally um I'm I'm not sure what the right word to use right now is. But knowing that it's going to affect you you to be able to s to sit and talk with somebody, it's it's just always this safe, safe space that we need to create.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

Yeah, and and it doesn't be I I I'm sensing a theme here with people feeling safe. How do you create whether it's a Muslim or a Jew or uh um a conservative or a liberal or an immigrant or a native born? How do you create that safe space for them to feel open enough to to have a conversation? Is there a is there a magic magic wand?

SPEAKER_03 20:19

Is it just listening?

How To Create Safe Space

SPEAKER_04 20:21

Yeah, it's I it's a hard thing to pin down though, so I'm gonna try and pin it down. So it's about no, no, this is this is good for me to to to be able to express this. It's about being I keep going back present, um, but showing them that you care to start with and that you're interested. And so putting aside our our phones, which are really, you know, putting aside all of that and giving someone your full attention. You're not looking around the room for scanning for everything else, you're looking, you're focused with the person. Starting with some easy questions that just kind of I call them heartwarming questions, and I do have a whole list of heart of them, and you know, I have I have I have some in a little box that helped me. Yeah. So um, you know, those kind of questions that aren't invasive that help you to find a connection are really important. So finding that connection to start with of this is something that we are that we have in common.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

That we have in common, right.

Groups, Fundraisers, And Community Use

A Transgender Story Of Healing

SPEAKER_04 21:50

So finding that safe space to start with and then working from there and then just in encourage them, encouraging them by you being present by you being responsive to to their energy piece of chocolate helps but just being able to to go gently into into that and to listen it's when they see you listening when they can feel that you're listening and that you're interested in them then they can they can start to open up right right um and now you also you've taken this from a one day a year event to all year long and then you're like I'm still not satisfied let's do a podcast too what's the name of your podcast yeah my show is Chocolate and Coffee Break a compassionate proposition oh I like that I like it too I'm sure you named it um so could could you share a story either from your gatherings now okay I just thought of another question I got sidetracked do you do group gatherings at all or is it just all one-on-one uh no um do a few a few group gatherings and I'm gonna be doing some more and I've just a friend of mine is just kind of going can can I use chocolate and coffee break as a fundraiser for a charity and I go go ahead this is great I'm happy he said can I steal it and I said no you can use it yeah you can do so so yeah I I do do group gatherings um which is kind of an introduction to the concept and gives them an experience in in sitting and exploring another person and and also helps them to see that if we've got a diverse group then they can start to understand that while somebody seems different to them they're not that different that they're where we all have these things in us that are familiar. So um and they're great they're a great experience and from there then people go well this is something that I can do this is easy and they can open up and it's and it might not be something that they do every day or you know regularly they might just once in a while just go that person I that person I'm just not connecting with them how about I have a chocolate and coffee break with them and so if it's it's just a it can't becomes a tool that's in back of their mind that this is something that can make a difference sure and it probably does um can you share a story back to my original question um either from your podcast or or from your conversations where a small act of kindness help someone feel genuinely seen I'm sure you have them now um which one put them all in a hat you can just pick one out yeah yeah well I I had a chocolate and coffee break with someone who is a who is transgender so um definitely somebody who needed to be seen yeah so that was beautiful because while she is while she she is fairly public in in that that she is transgender being able to sit and just allow her to open up and and share what it means to her and some of those experiences that haven't been pleasant because most people don't want to know about those. Yeah so um allowing her to share some of those things that have been deeply cut in her heart um helped her to I think helped her to to heal and I am told that by a few different people who like I said do get back in touch with me that that the having a chocolate and coffee break has helped them to heal and allowed them to uh speak out a little bit more allowed them to be a little bit more seen in the world. They feel safe to be seen in the world a little bit more. And so um yeah I think about experiences like that and it just kind of warms my heart a little bit it should.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

That's a fantastic thing. Yeah and I think there's there's so many people that we don't you know maybe until somebody brings it up you don't even think about a transgender person unless they're part of your life um and then you usually have an opinion on it one way or the other.

SPEAKER_04 27:45

Um I know that well sometimes also with those people you kind of um I'm not being general about transgender, I'm just being general about anyone who is different to you.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 28:01

You don't feel kind of like you can reach out to somebody um so you know I'm thinking about people with certain disabilities and things that that is is it okay to reach out?

Reaching Out Across Difference

SPEAKER_04 28:18

Is it okay to ask some questions? Now that is a real big question and I'm reading a book on that at the moment but to just to to treat them if you're treating them as you treat the next person with love and kindness that's all you have to do and and why not reach out to them and just treat them like a new friend that you want to have a conversation with someone interesting that you know and you don't have to ask them about those things you just leave the space open that the door open that say they can if they want to share that with you they can they feel safe yeah yeah for sure okay so when you imagine a world where helping people feel seen is treated as a a shared mission not just a nice extra what do you see and how does your work with kindness and conversation move us in that direction that's a stupid question and I'm gonna take it back.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

Not really because I think we've talked about how chocolate and coffee tends to move us in that direction but what what do you envision for chocolate and coffee in regards to civilization humanity our world do you see it working yeah I well I hope it works I hope it works to help heal some of this division that we have I um now while there's a lot of people out there shouting a whole lot of stuff I just feel like this is a gentle this is something gentle that people can relate to easier.

Belonging As Prevention And Hopeful Vision

SPEAKER_04 30:19

I see that it can open kind of spaces where to allow communities to connect so is there a group that's been outcast is a feeling a little bit outcast can we bring them into a into the community and I'm seeing that also has been a use for chocolate and coffee is to bring people into a community um to invite them into that safe space. And um the one thing that I wanted to just that came into me when you what came to my head when you were saying that if I think about some of the negative aspects of society I if I think thinking about what came to me was gangs. Now there's a lot of young people that join gangs because that that is where they feel a sense of belonging right they're given this sense of belonging there. What if we can give people a sense of belonging before they get there what if we can spend time with people on the outskirts of our communities and g and give them a sense of belonging give them a sense that they are seen and heard that can completely change their projectory in life absolutely I love that Andrea thank you so much for your time today you are changing the world for the better you're making a positive difference in the world um I'll have your website in the show notes as well as your podcast linked in the show notes um thank you for what you do and what you're doing thank you Mike it's been real joy talking to you and sharing chocolate and coffee.

Closing Thanks And Subscribe

SPEAKER_01 32:28

I wish I had a chocolate and coffee right now. I'll go get one absolutely and you know every time you have one just think who could I share this with human thank you so much for joining us on this episode of the Kindness Matters podcast and spending part of your day with me and my guest Andrea Pudding it's truly appreciated and the hope is take your take something after episode with you to the rest of your week if this episode rests with you at all speakers your feedback helps other five feedback after Facebook outfit also five Facebook Instagram textbooks YouTube where more of the updates are here don't forget to subscribe to the update and check out the first we can check out the post each of every first point we move with that again next week with another one