The Kindness Matters Podcast

Kindness That Changes Trajectories

• Mike

Share episode

Send us a text

What if kindness could rebuild a city block by block—and it started with a free concert? We sit down with Stephan Palmer, founder and CEO of Youth on Fire, to trace the journey from community shows in Hartford to a full-scale mentoring and family support network changing how youth grow, learn, and lead. Stephan’s approach is disarmingly simple: build trust first, then layer in faith, academics, and real-world creativity. When a mentor says, “We’re the GPS; you pick the destination,” kids stop bracing for judgment and start mapping their futures.

You’ll hear how a silent middle schooler lit up over Naruto and, session by session, found his voice, his footing, and a passion for service—now volunteering at coat and school supply drives and bringing friends into the fold. We dig into Hartford’s unique pressures—parents working multiple jobs, kids feeling unseen—and how Youth on Fire answers with relevant skills: music production, fashion design, podcasting, branding, and entrepreneurship. Cross-promotion becomes a classroom, and collaboration becomes a credential. As confidence rises, grades follow, and the spark of possibility grows into a plan.

Partnerships make the model scalable. Schools secured grants and Apple labs that transformed a single laptop into a media hub. A cosmetology school and a retailer help single dads step into interviews with dignity. State leaders supported licensing, MOUs, and family-centered work that stabilizes homes and lifts outcomes. Stefan shares future plans to add a women’s component and thoughtfully expand beyond Connecticut, while keeping the core promise intact: listen deeply, act practically, and let youth leadership drive the ripple effect.

If stories of real transformation give you hope, this one delivers—with concrete tools, candid moments, and a roadmap any community can adapt. Subscribe, share this episode with someone who cares about kids and families, and leave a review so more people can find it. Your ripple starts here.

Support the show

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to the Kindness Matters podcast, a show that celebrates the powerful truth that kindness can change the world. Every week I aim to china light on people and organizations making a positive difference to their communities, proving that compassion, empathy, and connection still thrive, even in challenge. This podcast is about more than two stories though, which is about free insight through heartfelt conversations, inspiring acts, and episode samples of humanity, the kindness matters podcasts that invite most to rediscover the power of kindness as a force for feelings, growth, and genuine connection. If the message of this show resonates with you, please share it with your friends and family. Faith Share helps spread the light a little further. Because when it comes to kindness, the ripple effect is limitless. Hey, hello, and welcome everybody to the Kindness Matters podcast. I am your host, Mike Rathman, and uh I am so thankful that you are here today, that you chose this podcast to spend 30 minutes of your life on. And um, I will always be grateful for those that that tune in. And you know what? If you hear something in this episode that uh that speaks to you, that that moves you, um, feel free to share it with friends and family and coworkers and and the guy down at the bodega. You know, just share it out. I appreciate that too. Um I have a fantastic show for you today. Uh my I my guest today is Stefan Palmer, and he is the founder and CEO of Youth Empowerment Nonprofit Youth on Fire, Inc., an organization committed to empowering youth, strengthening families, transforming communities, with a deep conviction that every young person carries a spark of potential and community support to help youth ages nine to eighteen grow academically, spiritually, and emotionally. Under his leadership, Youth on Fire offers personalized tutoring, career readiness training, financial literacy education, and meaningful community service opportunities, all designed to equip young people for success in school, work, and life. In today's conversation, Stefan shares how kindness, compassion, and community connection aren't just ideals, they're practical tools for uplifting youth, rebuilding families, and renewing hope in neighborhoods that too often get overlooked. Welcome to the show, Stefan. Thank you for having me, Mike. How are you today? I am awesome. I am very good. It's cold already where I am. I'm I'm in Minnesota, so it's like woke up this morning to like single-digit temperatures, right?

SPEAKER_03:

I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for it.

SPEAKER_00:

Too early. Too early, yes. Um, Stefan, talk to me a little bit. Um, what inspired you to start um Youth on Fire? Um, and what was the central mission driving your work with young people?

SPEAKER_03:

Well, Youth on Fire was birthed out of a series of concerts that we did in Hartford, Connecticut. Um, we did about three concerts to give back to the community that gave back to me and my family. And the process of doing these concerts, the children were telling myself and the other artists things that were bothering them uh mentally, educationally, family-wise, community-wise. And we were just collecting the information, really didn't know what to do with it. And I want to say the fifth concert we did, uh, Miss Matthews from Urban League came to the concert with some of the kids from the Urban League program. Um, they stayed the whole concert. She watched us talk to some of the kids from her program, some of the kids in the community. And she asked at the end of the concert, she pulled me aside, and she the first question was, What are you doing with the information the kids are giving you? And my response was right now, nothing. And then she goes, Um, how would you feel about becoming a mentoring program? That way you could be a mandate reporter if some of these kids actually need help. Um, the first time she asked me, I kind of blew it off. Coming from the community I come from, someone offers you something out of the blue that you don't know, it's usually a setup. So, you know, yeah. Took her about three times, and I finally committed to taking the uh the training to be a statewide uh mentor, which led to me starting the Youth on Fire program uh to help some of the kids that were actually giving me in the artist information that was vital to one, their education, vital to their day-to-day, their day-to-day, and vital to their family situation. Took the mentoring classes, which took about two months. Then I had to take the mandate reporter classes through DCF, uh, which allowed me to actually be able to help the children and refer them to different programs to get the help they needed. Sure.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow. That's that's incredible. And this is this is kind of personal for you, right?

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. Yes, yes. Um the free concerts that we were doing uh was my way of giving back to the community because I I had originally gone through a very, very bad divorce, ended up with my three daughters. We were homeless, we were looking for a place to live. Uh I think it was six churches that stepped up in Hartford to help us get a place, get it furnished, put food in it for the first three months and allowed me to save up. So the concerts was my way of getting back. Um, you know, they helped me, they helped my children. So for like two, three weeks, I I wondered, you know, how can I give back to this community? And I ended up reaching out to about 300 artist friends that I know, and they were all on board to come and do the concerts for free. So doing the concerts was the gateway to youth on fire.

SPEAKER_00:

Sure, absolutely. Um so how does how does youth on fire um combine mentorship, academic support, and faith-based training to help youth thrive? That's far as the mentorship.

SPEAKER_03:

As far as the mentorship, we tell the kids we're just the GPS. They have to tell us the direction they want to go in, and and we'll give them the correct information to get in that direction. While we're being the GPS, we're like uh, I forget the name of the satellite that's up there, Roman, but we're connected to that satellite, which is God. Yeah, with Starlink. You know, we're connected to God and we teach them about praying, we teach them about studying, you know, when you have doubt of the direction you're going in or if you can do it, you know, pray. If that doesn't work, reach out and we'll pray with you. You know, there's always a friend willing to pray with you. You know, as long as you keep God in the middle, you can't really go wrong. So, you know, doing the mentorship and then blending it with the faith-based training kind of helps the youth build up not only character, but build up confidence within themselves. And then, you know, that's where the that's where the educational piece comes in because as they build a relationship with you, they start speaking of the grades, they start speaking of the troubles they're having with friends in school or with different people in the community. And, you know, everything seems to fall in line once they let their guard down, they open up, they begin to believe in themselves, they begin to see a uh a little spark for their future, and that little spark grows into a big spark, which is no longer a dream. Now they're calling you, you know, I got an A in this class, you know, I passed this test, and my teacher said I might be able to graduate. My mom is talking about college when she said I would never go to college. So, you know, just just being there.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and it all starts with that trust, doesn't it? Yes, it is. Because they never would have opened up to you had they not trusted you, right? Correct. Correct.

SPEAKER_03:

Trust how do I say it? Trust is like the, I don't want to call it, it's it's the key to the front door. If you don't have that key to get in there, you just outside and not, right? For sure.

SPEAKER_00:

Um so talk to me a little bit can can you share a personal sort story where you saw I know I keep using that term spark, a spark of potential in a young person that that got blown up by one of your programs.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, yes. There's a young man called Macari Highsmith. Um, when I first met him, he was very quiet, didn't talk, sat in the corner. Nobody could get him to communicate what was going on with him, what his thoughts were. And, you know, just meeting with him one-on-one, slowly, you know, learning what he likes. Learned that he likes Dragon Ball Z, which is an anime cartoon, Naruto, which is an anime cartoon. And I think it was like the sixth session with him. Um I actually brought my laptop and I put it on. And we were sitting there watching it quietly, and I want to say about 20 minutes in, um, I was like, Naruto's about to get beat. He's gonna get he's gonna lose. And he was like, Yeah, right, Naruto's the best guy in the show. And I was like, Gotcha. That that sparked the conversation, which led to me learning he liked video games and you know, bringing the PlayStation in, playing the game with hand, which was the icebreaker. And, you know, led to me, led to him telling me some things about his dad that was not nice, and you know allowed him to open up, allowed me to help his mother get custody of him, which his grades improved, his behavior improved. He began uh communicating with more people. Now he's older. I think that was four years ago. He's 13 now. Um now he likes to volunteer in the community. He volunteers at all my back to school events, my Christmas events. He helps me pass out coats in the community. You know, he's even told some of his friends about the program and they've joined. He's done a total 360 from The Quiet Kid in the Corner.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. All from Naruto or Dragon Ball Z. Yep. My youngest kid used to watch that show. And and reference, he's like 31 tomorrow. So it's been around for a while, I guess. Yes, it has. Yes, it has. Um so talk to me a little bit about um what unique challenges youth because you're in Hartford, is it?

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, Hartford Connecticut.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, okay. Um what unique challenges youth in Hartford face and and how does your organization meet those challenges with compassion and creativity?

SPEAKER_03:

Um well, the youth in Hartford face one because their parents are working to provide for them, they're nine times out of ten left alone. So they feel alone. They also feel unheard. They feel like they get the blame for everything that goes wrong in the city. And they feel like a lot of the programs in the city are not created towards what they want, such as music programs, fashion programs, learning how to cook, learning how to do podcasts, learning how to do different TikToks. Um it's just how do you think that's true?

SPEAKER_01:

Those are the things that they want.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. Okay. And they're feel they feel like nobody hears them when they correct, correct.

SPEAKER_03:

Um as I said, the the free concerts got us in with a lot of kids in the city and surrounding cities. So because they were already talking to us at the concert, some of the kids had posters, some of the kids had the download cards, they were listening to the music at home. Um we were able to get that information before we started Youth on Fire. So the kids that wanted to do music, it was it was like breathing with them. Okay, you know what? We're gonna meet you at the library, we're gonna teach you how to write metaphors, punch lines, double entendres, we're gonna teach you how to take one word and use it in three different ways to stretch one 16, which is which is four words at four words four times for 16 bars. Okay. Um, for the kids that wanted to do fashion, we were able to link them to some of the people we know that make clothes. And so if one kid made a shirt, we would say, okay, now let the kid that just wrote a song wear your shirt in his video. So now you're getting marketing for your clothing, and he's getting a new outfit for his video. For the kids that wanted to do podcasting, okay, so you know what? Let's get you some content. Uh, you're gonna interview the artist, and then you're gonna interview the fashion person, and then you're gonna play the video, uh, a 20-second clip of the video on your podcast to give them more publicity. So that taught them one branding, taught them how to how to network, and taught them cross-promotion. So, um, like I said, just talking to them at the concerts gave us an end. And for the kids that wanted to be entrepreneurs, um, teaching them music production, how to mix, master, edit songs, the kids that wanted to uh learn how to do branding online, where they're making flyers, learning how to make uh banners for social media. You know, we tackled all that one by one. So when Youth on Fire came in in full creation, it was easier to get into the schools because all the kids knew us. So going to meet with the principal, and you walk into school and they're like, Mr. Palmer, Mr. Palmer, and the principal's like, yo, you know them? Yeah, I know all these kids. So it was it was easy to get into the school with the youth program. And then once we got into the school, you know, the schools went after grants with which allowed us to uh broaden the program. So we went from recording music on one laptop to the school, reaching out to the um the University of Yukon and getting Apple laptops. So we went from one laptop to, I think it was five desktop uh Apple computers that we were able to set up in different corners of a room and teach the kids how to record and market. And then um another school, Global Academy, uh, you know, they set up a media center where kids could record music, shoot podcasts, and shoot little commercials. So, you know, the kids saw the growth and the parents saw the growth, and then once the school saw the growth, you know, it was like the community was falling in place. So it was just, it was like a, you know, they say things come in threes, but for us it came in like tens.

SPEAKER_00:

A and you you were talking about how because a lot of the and I I think that this is probably not just this is not just a Hartford issue, right? This is probably any major city in the US where you've got two parents working and the kids are left to their own devices, right? And maybe they're angry, maybe they're alone, maybe they're all of these different negative things, maybe. Um, so what a great what a great way to reach out and to try and change lives. Correct, correct.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, I mean the the the focus is just giving Talk to me a little bit about the focus is the focus is more or less giving the youth someone a space where they feel heard and seen. Um sometimes you're you're the go-between between the the the youth that you're mentoring and the parent. So you get both sides of the story, you know. You you get the parents' take on why they feel the child's rebellion, and then you get the the youth's take on, you know, why they're upset, why they're doing X, Y, and Z. And I think the struggle in all of that is learning how to how to how to paraphrase it to where one, the parents don't get upset at the youth, and two, the youth doesn't stop uh trusting you.

SPEAKER_00:

I think that's the biggest struggle in that. Yeah. And you mentioned the parents are I know you you're you're involved a lot with not just the kids, but the parents as well, right?

SPEAKER_03:

Correct. I I work with single fathers, and sometimes uh I can refer single mothers to get help as well. Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_00:

So it's it's really bringing families together. I'm sorry. Go ahead. I understand that. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_03:

I was gonna ask you, did you want me to elaborate on uh working with the single fathers? Sure, absolutely. Um working with the with the single dads, refer them for life coaches so that they can work on themselves first. Um, a lot of the fatherhood programs, you go in, you talk, you eat, you go home, you really don't work on self-improvement. Um, it's great to feed a dad, it's great to give him a release, but unless that person is really working on change and seeing where they need to grow, it's gonna be a repeated circle. So that's where the life coach comes in. We also help them with uh job readiness skills, learning how to write resumes, cover letters. We help them understand how to process court documents, whether for visitation, child support, or filing for some type of custody. Um, we also have a program with the cosmetology school out here in East Hartford, where if a father has a job interview and can prove he has a job interview, they will um do his cosmetics for the interview, give him a haircut, make sure he looks presentable, and then we have a different relationship with men's warehouse, where, you know, if I if I present the proof they have an interview, they will give them a suit.

SPEAKER_00:

So we back to youth on fire for a sec. Um, how has community engagement and service shaped the lives of youth involved in your organization? And and why is why is that important to your overall mission?

SPEAKER_03:

Well, I think it's the it's important because take you have to remember they are the future leaders. Let's start there first. So if we allow them to be misguided or misled, what will the future hold? So coming on board, helping them in the direction they want to grow in, the direction they want to lead in, showing them. how to advocate, showing them how to mentor, showing them how to be entrepreneurs, showing them how to effectively communicate with with an adult or another youth, um, is very important. You know, you can only reach one youth at a time. So taking the time to listen, care, and show them that they're important is is very important.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, for sure. For sure. Um okay I'm gonna give you a chance to shout out some people here. Uh what are some of the what are some of the key community partners uh that have helped amplify the impact of Youth on Fire Inc. and and what have you learned from those collaborations?

SPEAKER_03:

You you mentioned some of them not by name, but the cosmetology school the first person I would have to shout out that helped Youth on Fire uh well helped birth Youth on Fire is uh Yvonne Matthews from Urban League. She was uh very detrimental into us getting the licensing and the permits and the the certifications to do the mentoring uh Stephen Hernandez who was the Commissioner of Women, Children and Elderly for the state of Connecticut. He helped us get our credentials to work with single fathers. Elaine Zimmerman who helped Youth on Fire get an MOU from the state of Connecticut to work on legislation from juvenile justice reform, housing reform, and legislation that separates families. Melvette Hill, who is now the new commissioner of women, children and equity for the state of Connecticut. She took over where Stephen Hernandez uh left off. Who else? Richard Sussman, who was my mentor and still is my mentor, who helped uh help me shape my business mind and show me the ins and outs and the ropes because when I first started I really didn't know anything. I was just someone from the streets of Hartford trying to start a business and he sat down with me for about three months and and kind of molded me into an entrepreneur. My children you know they were one of the biggest reasons I wanted to do youth on fire to leave a legacy to show them that it could be done. Now my significant other support system I want to be able to do good things for her. As she supports me I want to support her I want to uplift her a couple of other people that's been along for the journey that give support uh Janine McMean Carolyn Austin Michael Alonzo um Carrie Howe Pastor AJ Johnson Brian Martin Ronald I forget Ronald's last name um but these people have been very detrimental as far as getting my events off the ground helping me get sponsorship getting volunteers um showing me what parts of the city needs mentoring or fathers need help um getting venues to hold events or workshops um my son Emmanuel has been a very big key you know he's been doing this work with me for since he could walk um he's 10 now you know he he's I think he's pretty much tired of of doing community events at this point but he loves it. He loves handing out coats he loves passing out the toys um he loves the perks he gets because he grew up with everybody around him um Governor Ned you know I've worked under him for the like last four years working with the state of Connecticut it's it's been a journey very educational we think of this and it it's you know it's not just one person with a vision and it may be one person with vision might start with one person with a vision but it takes so many other people to make all of this happen, right? Correct and a village if you will yes well I mean God'll give you the vis God'll give you the vision but he'll also send you the parts to make it come into fruition. Right question is he'll bring those people into the life that you need correct you know as I was telling my significant um other earlier a lot of the work I do I get uh grants contracts resources and a lot of this stuff I don't even apply for is just from other people you know there's his program he does a lot of good work in the city here here's his information uh the coats that we'll be giving out this this year I didn't apply for him didn't know nothing about the program uh Senator Moore was en masse talking with them and two days later I got an email and then the person called and I'm like um who you got what yeah we got about 800 quotes for you and you know I didn't apply for no coats um oh no Senator Moore oh okay yeah um just let me know when you want me to pick them up so God God will send people to let you know you're doing the right work going in the right direction you just got to be willing to move when he says move.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes yes absolutely um okay how does your work help foster resiliency not just in youth but also within families and the broader community I think it it it brings resiliency because it shows people no matter what you go through as long as you press forward and you use the resources around you and your support system you can make it through anything.

SPEAKER_03:

You know the enemy will throw with tons of things at you to get to make you doubtful, make you believe you can't do it, tell you you're going in the wrong direction. But if you lean on one God, lean on your support system, lean on your family, you'll get to to where you want it to go nine times out of 10.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow yes absolutely um and what advice would you give to parents or educators who want to support their children's growth both academically and emotionally because I know it's so hard for for parents and you're you're just trying to make ends meet you're probably working one maybe two jobs and and I think sometimes you know you you tell yourself you're out there working for your kids or your family but what advice would you give to a to a parent?

SPEAKER_03:

I mean the most important advice I would give them is take the time to listen. You can learn a lot from what a child is going through just from listening. Yes the behavior is not to be accepted. Yes the the the talking back is not to be accepted but in between all of that did you listen to what that child was saying. And that goes for parents and teachers. A child is a a child doesn't just go into a classroom and act out. I mean there there are some followers but then there's the children that are going through things at home that are being bullied on the way to school that are uh reliving trauma on the way to school or on the way home from within the neighborhood but you wouldn't know that unless you took the time to listen because a lot of kids they may not always tell you correct well a lot of kids would tell you in the middle of screaming what they're going through. Have your ears open for sure okay last question what are your hopes or future plans for youth on fire and how can people listening to this episode get involved as volunteers mentors or donors uh future plans uh I would like to add a women's component to work with the complete family right now we work with the the youth and dads at some point I would like to add the women's section so that when we do intakes and we put together plans to bring I don't want to say correction but bring forth the right direction um we can add the complete family not just the child or the child and mom or the child and dad but everybody so we can change the complete atmosphere. Another component that we would like to add we would like to re-add the the concert series that originally birthed youth on fire. As far as donors and volunteers you can reach out at uh youthonfireink.com we're on Instagram we're on Facebook as well any donors uh send me an email at youth on fireink dot youthonfireink at gmail.com attention stuff on palmer sponsorship um you'll get a response within the first 24 hours um or you can contact me at 860 250 3852 fantastic direct line we will have a link to the to the website in the show notes for sure Stefan I really I I'm just in awe of what you're accomplishing there in in Hartford have you ever has has anybody any other states reached out and and asked um yeah that's another person I said my mom is located in North Carolina and and a couple of my siblings my sister that lives out there uh had a pastor call me that was interested in bringing youth on fire to uh North Carolina uh my significant other lives in Rhode Island you know thinking of relocating so it might that would be another option as well sorry I did I did get an invite completely destroyed that I am so sorry it's okay it's okay I did get an invite to uh lives in Rhode Island yes my significant other um I did get an invite to to bring it to San Francisco in New York as well um but right now the focus is is getting everything with the foundation of Youth on Fire cemented in in Connecticut getting everything built up and effectively changing the lives one family at a time um we've gotten about 12 state citations uh from different governors uh we've gotten about three citations from two different mayors and uh about four or five awards from different uh foundations a foundation in DC a foundation in Mexico foundation in San Francisco and two in uh Connecticut the recognition is there is just you know putting putting my hand to the plow and continuing to move forward yeah absolutely well Stefan I think you're doing such a great job there I really really appreciate the the the work you're putting in for the kids of Hartford and um keep doing what you're doing man thanks for coming on the show yeah we could absolutely do a follow-up I think I just blew my mic out um I was so enthusiastic fantastic uh look forward to talking to you again take care sir have a great uh weekend thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Kindness Matters podcast with my guest Stefan Palmer from Youth on Fire in Hartford Connecticut he's doing a great job with the kids and the families out there I hope that this episode left you maybe feeling a little easier a little bit more hopeful about the state of the world we all share if you enjoyed this episode please please please feel free to tell your friends family and co-workers about us let's uh let's all just make a conscious effort to uh share the title share um stories that make us feel good make us feel uplifting also don't forget to subscribe to our newsletter for more uplifting content it's free and there's a link to the sign up in the show notes to get an email once a month with uh stories about kindness people ideas inspiration and uh yeah you can do that right to the show notes at the end of the episode here um you've been listening to the kindness matters podcast I'm your host Mike Rafman and we will be back again next week with a brand new episode I want to be honored if you would join us once again but until then remember kindness matters together