The Kindness Matters Podcast
So. Much. Division. Let's talk about how to change that. Re-engage as neighbors, friends, co-workers and family. Let's set out to change the world. Strike that. Change A World. One person at a time, make someone's life a little better and then do it again tomorrow and the day after that, through kindness.
Kindness is a Super-Power that each of us has within us. It is so powerful it has the potential to change not only your life but those around you, too. Let's talk about kindness.
The Kindness Matters Podcast
Uplifting Lives with Empathy and Care
What would it take to break the cycle of domestic violence and create a safe haven for survivors? Join us for a moving conversation with Tina Bronson, Director of Mission Advancement at Alexandra House, as we uncover the persistent impact of domestic, sexual, and relationship violence on our communities. Tina shares the powerful story of Alexandra House, from its origins in a social justice group in 1976 to the establishment of the first emergency shelter in Anoka County by 1980, and its expansion to serve the entire seven-county metro area. We explore the heartbreaking realities faced by individuals affected by violence and highlight the transformative journeys of resilience and recovery that Alexandra House supports.
Our episode doesn't stop there, as we shine a spotlight on Linus' Pet Haven, an innovative initiative part of Alexandra House's holistic approach to support survivors and their beloved pets.
We offer thanks to all of our listeners as we celebrate this, our 100th episode! We wouldn't be here if not for your support. Thank You!
#domesticassault #resilience #survivors
This podcast is a proud member of the Mayday Media Network. If you have an idea for a podcast and need some production assistance or have a podcast and are looking for a supportive network to join, check out maydaymedianetwork.com.
Like what you hear on the podcast? Follow our social media for more uplifting, inspirational and feel-good content.
Did you find this episode uplifting, inspiring or motivating? Would you like to support more content like this? Check out our Support The Show Page here.
Well, hello there and welcome. You are listening to the Kindness Matters podcast and I am your host, mike Rathbun. What is this podcast all about? It's about kindness. It's a pushback against everything negative that we see in the news and on social media today, and it's a way to highlight people, organizations that are simply striving to make their little corner of the world a little better place. If you want to join in on the conversation, feel free, Go ahead and follow us on all of your social media feeds. We're on Facebook, instagram, tiktok. We're even on LinkedIn under Mike Rathbun. Check us out. We're even on LinkedIn under Mike Rathbun. Check us out and, in the meantime, so sit back, relax, enjoy and we'll get into the Kindness Matters podcast. Hey, welcome to today's episode of the Kindness Matters podcast.
Speaker 1:We are honored to have with us Tina Bronson, the Director of Mission Advancement at Alexandra House. If you've never heard of Alexandra House, it's a renowned organization dedicated to supporting individuals experiencing domestic, sexual and relationship violence, including elder abuse and sex trafficking. Alexandra House has been a beacon of hope and safety for countless individuals facing the harrowing reality of violence in their lives. Did you know that, according to recent statistics, one in three women and one in four men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. Moreover, on average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States, equating to more than 10 million individuals each year. Tina is going to be sharing invaluable insights into who Alexandra House is and what services they provide, how you could help someone experiencing domestic or sexual violence, some exciting information about a new program called Linus' Haven, and she'll offer some advice on how you can get involved with Alexandra House. Welcome to the show today, tina.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:Ah, it's great to have you. It's certainly a Monday, isn't it?
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:But we're professionals and we're going to roll with it.
Speaker 2:We are, we are.
Speaker 1:We are, and you know what I had lived. I live in Ham Lake. I had lived up here for probably five to six years before I ever heard of Alexander House. You guys, I mean and I you know maybe it's not something you want to publicize Is there a double sword there between getting the word out about your services and maybe also not letting abusers know you're out there and helping?
Speaker 2:Well, you know what I think, having been with the organization almost 11 years now. I think what is interesting and what I have found is that you may have heard of us and not even realized it. Many people don't need, you don't need to know about us until you need us or you are in, you know, involved with us. You know people often want to shy away from topics that are sensitive or they don't want to think about or how they might impact their lives. But you know the statistics.
Speaker 1:You read them already those are eye-opening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I mean, the chances that someone in your life has experienced some form of domestic or sexual violence is really high, but as a society we don't want to talk about it. So I think the organization as a whole has done a really good job of talking about who we are, what we do, how we help people. But until you need our services, it's not top of mind.
Speaker 1:Right, right. So how did Alexander House get started? What happened? What was the impetus? Did somebody say we need a shelter up here?
Speaker 2:You know it's really an amazing story when I think about it, researching our history. It came out of a social justice group back in 1976, four women around a kitchen table talking about domestic violence in the community. You know they were talking about the first shelter forming, which was women's advocates, here in St Paul.
Speaker 1:The first shelter in the country.
Speaker 2:So Minnesota has really been on the forefront of a lot of work within the women's movement and in the domestic violence movement. But they were talking about how these issues were here in Anoka County and how this needed to be founded. And these women got together and they started reading books and talking about these issues and what could they do here. And they founded a helpline and by 1977, we had a helpline and by 1980, they had opened the first emergency shelter in Anoka County. Pretty amazing when you talk about how quickly they were able to Four years.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because nothing gets done that fast, especially when you're a nonprofit right.
Speaker 2:No, I mean that's revolutionary in today's time, like how quickly they did it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there'd have to be committee meetings and blah, blah, blah and this and that and the other thing. Well, I mean, thank goodness they did so. Now, youth service is it just northern Anoka County? Is it all of Anoka County? Is it all of Anoka County? Who can come to you for help?
Speaker 2:You know, alexandra House primarily serves Anoka County but the seven county metro area, but people really all over Minnesota and even out of state in their journeys to find safety, we will find them coming here. So it really you know whoever needs services will help them. What I will say is you're going to find people who are out of state or out of county who will come into the emergency shelter because it's about where are the beds. If we have a bed and they can get into a bed, you know that's where they're going to be. When you're talking about on-call hospital response, where we're responding to a hospital call of a victim who's been abused or assaulted, you're generally talking about something that happened here in Anoka County because we're responding to the hospitals and clinics here in Anoka County. When you're talking about getting an order for protection, a no contact order, again you're talking here in Anoka County because that's where the crime was committed. So some things are local to the county, whereas you know our shelter you could be coming from out of state or great.
Speaker 1:Minnesota Sure and you guys work pretty closely with the justice system and the law enforcement up here?
Speaker 2:right, we do. We are very well embedded with our legal systems, the court systems and our law enforcement, because we know the barriers that our victims face. And if we can be embedded and try to you know, because we know the barriers that our victims face, and if we can be embedded and try to break down some of those barriers and work to make the systems work better, that's the work we're going to be doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, fantastic. So how can we help somebody else? And we talked about that in the intro and I look at it and I go I'm just some guy. How can I be helping somebody that might be experiencing this?
Speaker 2:That's a great question.
Speaker 1:Because it seems so daunting.
Speaker 2:So if someone tells you that they are experiencing abuse first, that's amazing. It's amazing that they trust you to that level that they are going to tell you this. What, for many people, is a shame-filled secret in their life is an embarrassing thing. So the fact that they confided this in you, please don't break that trust.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Take the moment and pause and then thank them for saying you know, for saying that, say thank you for trusting me with this, and then ask them how can I support you? Do you want me to listen? Do you want advice? Do you want resources? Do you need a shoulder to cry on?
Speaker 1:What do you need?
Speaker 2:What do you need?
Speaker 2:And they might not know. So then the next thing is do your own work. Go out and look for the resources. Go to the Alexandra House website. Find out what you can find out. Call one of our advocates. They'll talk to you as a friend and family member and they will give you resources on how you can help someone and then find a way to safely share that information with the individual who confided with you. You know, don't write it down, Don't hand them a piece of paper. You know, find a safe way to communicate that information with them.
Speaker 2:And I would be asking the person who told me that information what's a safe way to tell you this information? Is it in person? Is it via phone call? Is it a text message? Do you have a safe email? Because you don't know if their perpetrator is tracking any of this information. So you want to be very careful in how you give them information, how you communicate with them, and understand that it takes victims many times if they have been abused, if they're in an abusive relationship, it takes them many times to leave. It's hard. They don't want to leave the relationship. They want the abuse to stop and that can be an exhausting place for you as a friend and family member to be. But what the abuser wants is to isolate.
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 2:If you, you can create healthy boundaries and still support them, but remember that they want you out of the picture, so you can't be there to support the person.
Speaker 1:The abuser does yeah.
Speaker 2:Right. So try to find a healthy way where you can safely support them without exhausting your own mental capacities. If the person has been sexually assaulted, you know there's a different level of care there that you're providing. So it's believing them, it's not questioning. You know how this happened to them. Nobody asked for that to happen to them, right?
Speaker 1:Right. I think we have a tendency to do that, don't we? Just as a general society. Well, what were you wearing? Or you know, whatever the case might be, why?
Speaker 2:were you out so late? Why were you drinking? People don't ask for these things to happen to them. Nobody wants their life imploded. Um you know people are looking for ways to victimize others. It's, it's not an invitation right for sure?
Speaker 1:um, yeah, because I think and and I have been in a situation where I suspected it I have been in a situation where I suspected it, but the person never said anything to me and it's like do I ask, do I, you know? Because that's a hard position to be in, isn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think you can ask questions like hey, I saw this interaction or I heard this interaction, I'm worried about you, are you safe? And you leave the door open and you can just say I'm a safe person. If you ever need something, I'm here. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Go ahead.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you. Just you leave the door open and you can. You keep checking in with them. You know I'm a safe person. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Keep reinforcing that. Yeah, and I've noticed at the hospital now. They always say do you feel safe at home?
Speaker 2:I mean, those protocols are in place for a reason they separate you from you know. They want to bring you back alone so that they can ask you questions, so that they can ascertain if you're safe. You questions so that they can ascertain if you're saved, because they have found that that might be the only time that you're away from your abuser or they can ask those questions.
Speaker 2:So those of us who are in the work and we could ask those questions, we know where they're coming from, because that might be the very only time where a trafficking victim is separated from their trafficker.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I have a really bad habit and I'll be the first one to admit this when I think of Alexandra House, I simply think of domestic abuse, I don't think of sexual, I don't think of trafficking. Is that number up? I mean, we hear a lot about it more in the news these days, I think. But are we seeing a lot more trafficking? I mean, I heard about it. I think every time the Super Bowl gets played, they always talk about how the number goes up.
Speaker 2:I would say that the number doesn't go up. I think it's just a convenient talking point to you know, it's when people are willing to talk about it or hear about it that that's always happening. I think they just had a case where there was a woman who was kidnapped but she was being trafficked by her boyfriend. That's very common and it's a common mechanism to get individuals into trafficking is where you befriend them, you give them something they seem to be missing, if that's money, relationship, a home, to bring them into that. And there can be labor trafficking and there can be sex trafficking. So there's a lot of trafficking in this world. Just on its face that you know it's a different type of slavery, um, and so it never went away, it just went, it transformed yeah, I have never heard of labor trafficking.
Speaker 1:What is that? Well, labor trafficking is where you I mean, it sounds like I should know what it is papers, um, uh, so you are keeping them here.
Speaker 2:So you know you bring them over from another country and you, you hold their documentation so that they can't leave. You hold their passport, their visa, you don't pay them and you keep them working, and so you know you just withhold anything that will allow them to leave, and so yeah, Shoot mate, Go ahead.
Speaker 2:It's despicable how people are treated, but then you think about like youth are often I think they say within the first 72 hours are often sex trafficked if they are homeless and on the street. So it's. You know we have a huge population of youth who end up out of their homes because abuse is present in their homes and they're not safe there anymore. So then they end up on the streets and then they end up a victim of trafficking and so there's a lot of interconnectedness of violence and how it perpetrates. You know the inequities of poverty and homelessness and just different. You know violence in the streets.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it is. It's all interconnected. So domestic abuse at the home may force a child to leave, and he or she has nowhere to go, and they're on the streets, and then they get picked up and they're trafficked. That's just, and sometimes it almost makes you want to cry, right, what humanity does to humanity, or what humans do to each other. If I was doing your job, I don't know how long I could do that. You've been there for a while, though. You've been doing this.
Speaker 2:I've been here almost 11 years.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:I said I've been here almost 11 years. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I said I've been here almost 11 years.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, what is your coping mechanism? I mean, you see this on a day-to-day basis and then you go home and you're like, oh my God.
Speaker 2:How do you do that? Well, there's a couple of things. First, I read a lot of fantasy. Really. Well, you know you can't, um, and you try to stay. You know you stay current on the news, but you also try to bury yourself in in an alternative reality so that you have a good balance of of escapism.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right.
Speaker 2:And then I will say the work that Alexandra House does is transformative and of course, it's not what we do. It is the work that the participants are doing. They are transforming their lives. We are just along on that journey and the monetary gifts that we get, the in-kind gifts that we get, allow us to be a part of that journey. Participants are an expert in their own lives. They know what it takes to survive because they have been surviving in violence for so long. But we are able to say here are things that could help you, here are resources, let us help you break down barriers. But we aren't doing the work, we're just coming alongside while they're transforming their lives. And that is something that when you get to see that, and when they blossom because they have been beaten down for so long and they take that step and they do it on their own and they're like I can do this, I've got this, and then they come back and share their story.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's cool.
Speaker 2:The things that keep you going.
Speaker 1:I love that they come back and share their stories, yeah, yeah, and I see I've spoken to people and you know how. They just people who talked about what their abuser did. I mean, aside from the beating portion, which is ghastly. You know, wearing long-sleeved shirts in Florida in the summer might be a good clue, but just talking to them. You know, wearing long sleeve shirts in Florida in the summer might be a good clue, but just talking to them. You know, nobody will ever want you. You're dumb as a box of rocks or just whatever. And they hear that over and over and over again. And is that maybe one of many things that keep people from seeking help? Is that they believe this stuff because they hear it all the time? Or, conversely, they don't know what resources, what tools are available to them? They just think I could leave, but then there's nothing.
Speaker 2:I think there are multiple factors, I mean. I think there are multiple factors, I mean.
Speaker 1:I know there are multiple factors. And everybody's different.
Speaker 2:Everybody's different. So you have the demoralization of yourself, where you don't even have the. They've stripped everything away and it starts small, so that you no longer even recognize what you've lost along the way, where you've lost your center. You've lost all the people around you, you no longer have a support system and you have no self-worth. And then you know, if you had a job, you don't have a job anymore. It's been so long that you can't get a job without starting at the very bottom. If you do get a job, they're sabotaging it or they've destroyed your credit and so you can't leave if you wanted to. And then, if you do leave, they're stalking you, they're calling your work and getting you fired. You know it's these layers where you don't get to escape. It doesn't end because you've left. It continues If you have children with your perpetrator, they use them, they use the court system to further their abuse. So you know it's not an easy path. How do you fully leave when you're tethered?
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:And so for a victim, like the fact that they get away and they rebuild their lives and they become whole citizens, that contribute is I mean, it's a heroic amount of effort that some people cannot achieve. They just can't and the fact that they do should be celebrated. People should understand, like you're taking someone who's been stripped down to nothing, left with nothing, who's having to rebuild their entire life, rebuild relationships and fight every day for everything they have. That, like most people can't do that, and and these people have been survivors from the beginning the fact that they left is the smallest thing that they've done that day.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, yeah, and when you say it like that, it's incredible. But that said, you guys had some happy, happy news and a new. Tell me all about Linus' Pet Haven, because this is amazing.
Speaker 2:Yes, we are so excited we have become a pet-safe shelter, which means we have gone through the world work to renovate spaces in our shelter so that families and individuals can bring their pets with them when they flee the violence in their lives, so they don't have to leave their pets behind.
Speaker 2:Not all shelters are pet safe. A lot are trying to become pet safe but through some really amazing funders, this was something we were able to do. We've been working on it for a couple of years and, uh, january 13th was the big day that we opened our doors and said pets can now come with their families, and so Alexandra House will um intake the pets with their families, and that means things like if they haven't gotten current on their vaccinations, if they haven't been microchipped, we will cover those costs. That includes spay and neutering. If they have been injured due to abuse you know we have a great vet partner that you know they'll go, they'll get seen by a vet. You know they'll go, they'll get seen by a vet. We will provide crates, litter boxes, pet food, collars, leashes, toys all of this stuff Much like when individuals come to our shelter and they have.
Speaker 2:you know, they flee and they don't have anything. They will leave with what we've provided for them, and that's it's just simply amazing that we are able to do this and we're just, we're so grateful that the community has rallied for this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no kidding, I mean because and we were just talking about all the different reasons that people don't leave One of those is because they don't want to leave their pet behind.
Speaker 2:Yes, we know that individuals who will abuse animals are highly likely to also abuse people, and so that is an indicator of increased violence. We also know that people will use violence against animals to control their partners and their children, and so we know bringing their pet with them is a way to ensure that they will leave, and so this is just one more barrier we can remove for people fleeing for their own safety.
Speaker 1:That's so cool. I'm so excited that you guys got to do that. And where did the name come from? Linus's Haven? Where did the name come from Linus's Haven?
Speaker 2:So Linus's Pet Haven is named after one of our former participants' pet and her bulldog's name is Linus, and Linus has since passed away. But Candace was not able to come to shelter and she could have desperately used our services of emergency shelter but she couldn't leave Linus. Our services of emergency shelter, but she couldn't leave Linus. So her and her son cobbled together housing by couch, surfing and other means so that Linus could stay with them. But once she was free and safe she came back and she met with me and with Connie, our executive director, and said it's my heart's passion and my mission to make Alexandra House a pet safe shelter. How can we make it happen?
Speaker 1:That's so cool. Linus the pity.
Speaker 2:So we had to make it. We had to, you know. We worked with her and we said you know, now that it's happening, we have to name it after Linus, because it wouldn't have happened without you.
Speaker 1:Yeah for sure, because it wouldn't have happened without you. Yeah for sure, okay. So I'm hoping that there are people out there that are listening, that are thinking I really want to help. How can people get involved with Alexander House? What can they do?
Speaker 2:Well, as you can imagine, it takes an incredible amount of money to keep this organization going because we run 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, with our emergency shelter and our other programs. So monetary donations keep the doors open and keep providing the professional level of services needed to help people on their journey. So donations at alexandrahouseorg will always be a huge benefit. Other ways you can volunteer If that's a direct.
Speaker 2:You want to work with participants. If your heart is in helping them, we hold a volunteer training twice a year. That's on our website, again, alexandrahouseorg, under our Get Involved section, and you can learn how to become a regular, ongoing volunteer. Or if you're like that's a little too close, I'd rather do a one-time thing, you could do something as simple as come in and prepare meals in our shelter or volunteer at an event. So we have different options for people.
Speaker 2:And then of course, there are other things like hey, maybe Linus's Pet Haven really touched you and maybe you would want to donate. You know leashes and dog bowls, so there's a wish list under our donate page, under our get involved page for contributed goods or on Linus's Pet Haven page. You can find that. So there are ways you can donate doing that as well. So you know there are lots of ways to help. You can also send us an email on our donations at alexandrahouseorg with ideas. You know we always take third party fundraisers, so you know restaurants who want to do a percentage back or faith groups who want to do a collection at their you know service. You know Girl Scout cookies and tie blanket projects, and you know there's so many ways that our community gives back that are impactful in each of their own ways.
Speaker 1:And each and every one of them is appreciated, I'm sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1:That's fantastic. That's so cool. I had never, I never, thought about that. I've got leashes and bowls here. I'm sure somewhere we had four dogs in our house at one point. I must have something left over. That's so cool. You guys are really. What you do is so impactful and so helpful and so needed these days, I think, and at a time when some people are just it's hard to see others as human beings. And you guys are out there and you're like I see you and it's so amazing.
Speaker 1:We will have links in the show notes for alexandrahouseorg and yeah, we'll have. I might even put in a separate link just for the donation page, just kind of make them go to that. I'll just say it's a link and they'll show up on your donation page. Well, as long as I'm here, perfect. Oh, thank you so much for the time that you spent with me today, tina. I really appreciate it. That'll be edited. Oh, thank you so much for the time that you spent with me today, tina. I really appreciate it. That'll be edited, so I don't sound like a doofus. No worries, I appreciate it and I appreciate the conversation. It's a hard topic but you spell it out so well and you're so good at it.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you. I appreciate you sharing our message.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you, I appreciate you sharing our message. Well, I will uh, very good, we will keep in touch and um, if you, if you feel like you need to volunteer somewhere, head over to um alexanderhouseorg and uh check them out. Thanks, and we'll talk soon.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:I want to thank you for taking this time to listen to this episode with my guest, tina Bronson. I hope you were able to take something positive from the time that you spent with us. Maybe you'll be inspired. Maybe you'll be motivated. Maybe you'll be inspired, maybe you'll be motivated. Maybe you'll be moved. If you experienced any of those positive feelings, please consider sharing this podcast with your friends and family. I am always striving to offer you a better podcast, so give me some feedback, let me know how you think I'm doing, email me, leave me a message on my socials it would mean the world Also free to follow us on our socials like Facebook, instagram, linkedin and TikTok.
Speaker 1:For now, this podcast is part of the Mayday Media Network. If you have an idea for a podcast and need some production assistance, or have a podcast already and are looking for a supportive network to join, check out MaydayMediaNetworkcom and check out the many different shows, like Afrocentric Spoil, my Movie Generation Mixtape In a Pickle Radio Show, wake Up and Dream with D'Anthony Palin, staxo Pax and Time Pals. We will be back again next week with a new episode and we would be honored if you would join us. You've been listening to the Kindness Matters Podcast. I'm your host, mike Rathbun. Have a fantastic week.
