The Kindness Matters Podcast
So. Much. Division. Let's talk about how to change that. Re-engage as neighbors, friends, co-workers and family. Let's set out to change the world. Strike that. Change A World. One person at a time, make someone's life a little better and then do it again tomorrow and the day after that, through kindness.
Kindness is a Super-Power that each of us has within us. It is so powerful it has the potential to change not only your life but those around you, too. Let's talk about kindness.
The Kindness Matters Podcast
**"From Homelessness to Hope: Jessica Summers' Journey of Triumph and Transformation"**
What does it take to transform your life from rock bottom to a beacon of hope for others? In this episode, we bring you the incredible story of Jessica Summers, a coach, speaker, and author who has overcome homelessness, addiction, and severe mental health struggles. You'll hear about Jessica's pivotal moments, from the depths of despair to her powerful turnaround at a dual diagnosis facility. Her incredible resilience will inspire you, and her journey underscores the importance of making conscious choices to overcome life's most challenging obstacles.
Listen as Jessica shares the insights and lessons that helped her rebuild her life and become a certified cognitive behavioral therapist. We also delve into her new book, "The Road to Now: From Tragedy to Triumph," a testament to her journey and commitment to personal growth. In another segment, we discuss the critical need for self-discovery and addressing the root causes of personal struggles. Get ready to uncover how facing and healing from past traumas can lead to discovering hidden strengths and achieving profound personal growth. This episode is a moving reminder of the strength of the human spirit and the transformative power of determination.
The Kindness Matters Podcast is part of the DEN-The Deluxe Edition Network. Check them out to find your next favorite podcast.
Do you dread Mondays? Does the thought of another Monday steal the joy of your weekend? Let me tell you about a product I have found and tried that can do away with the Sunday Scaries. Oddly enough, it’s from a company called Sunday Scaries. I have personally tried their products, gummies and tinctures and I can personally attest to their efficacy. If you go to their website and order any product, use the code Kindness20 to receive a 20% discount on your order.
Do you like good coffee? Are you like me and go to bed in anticipation of a great cup of coffee in the morning (and afternoon, maybe). Then let me introduce you to my newest sponsor, Coffee Bros. They have built their business on the cornerstones of sustainability, quality, consistency, and freshness. From coffee to brewing techniques to coffee and espresso machines, they should be your go-to for all things coffee. And if you order from them, use the code Kind10 to get a 10% discount on your order.
Did you find this episode uplifting, inspiring or motivating? Would you like to support more content like this? Check out our Support The Show Page here.
This podcast is part of the Deluxe Edition Network. To find other great shows on the network, head over to DeluxeEditionNetworkcom. That's DeluxeEditionNetworkcom.
Speaker 2:Kindness, we see it all around us. We see it when someone pays for someone else's coffee or holds the door open for another person. We see it in the smallest of gestures, like a smile or a kind word. But it's different when we turn on the news or social media. Oftentimes, what we hear about what outlets are pushing is the opposite of kind. Welcome to the Kindness Matters Podcast. Our goal is to give you a place to relax, to revel in stories of people who have received or given kindness, a place to inspire and motivate each and every one of us to practice kindness every day. Hello everybody and welcome. You are listening to the Kindness Matters Podcast.
Speaker 2:I am your host, Mike Rathbun, and, as you may have noticed, this podcast is a member of the Deluxe Edition Network, and so I need to tell you about their podcast of the month. It is called Horsin' Around, where host Joel Sharp and producer Jared Picone lead the boys from Red Horse Hair Studio through their nonsensical banter from the cutting room floor and deliver it in this hilarious, no holds barred podcast, from conspiracies and monsters to ghosts and surreal true life, your squishy brain will be filled with so much of the awesome. Also, make sure to check out the show notes, where you'll find links and discount codes for two companies I partnered with Sunday Scaries, a company that makes broad-spectrum CBD gummies, and Coffee Bros that make an amazing blend of coffees. I use both of these products and they are nothing short of amazing. And now let's get into the show.
Speaker 2:Hello and welcome to the show, everybody. Gosh, I am so psyched for you to meet my guest today. This guest of mine today has, God's honest truth, been through it? I mean, she has walked, she's been through hell and she's come out the other side, and in spectacular fashion. Fashion, not fortune. Let's go fashion. She is a coach, Is it a coach?
Speaker 1:Coach speaker. Author Speaker author.
Speaker 2:In her coaching she specializes and is certified in cognitive behavioral therapy and she has a new book just coming out. It's coming out, is out, coming out. Yeah, the Road to Now, From Tragedy to Triumph. Look for it wherever you get all your finest books to triumph. Look for it wherever you get all your finest books. Please welcome to the show my guest, Jessica Summers. Thanks for coming on today, Jessica, so excited.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. I'm excited too. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 2:And I mean we've talked, god, that conversation could have gone on forever. As far as I'm concerned, yeah, um, but, and, and when we talked, I found out some things about you and, honestly, I don't think I was burying the lead there with what you have been through in your life, um, and I maybe you don't even want to talk about that, I don't know, but you really have been through a lot. At one point you were homeless yeah now, is that what's kind of influenced your, your learning and your and your practicing and?
Speaker 1:you're practicing Well, I think all of it, you know, getting myself out of the situation that I was in. You make a decision right. If I'm going to get myself out of this, I guess I'm going to learn and grow and understand how I got myself here and understand how to get myself out. I mean, there's so much involved in it. Once you do make that decision right, right.
Speaker 2:For sure. Yeah, you either sink lower, although I'm not sure you could go much lower than you were at.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Or you climb out and you climbed out.
Speaker 1:And I think that's such a big thing too. You know, when we say like hitting our bottom, it's like, goodness gracious, I hit like the bottomless bottom Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We had a kid that was that that had a, an addiction problem, and we always kept saying, surely this must be his rock bottom, because you know you try to help him but you can't. Nobody can help an addict. They have to do it themselves. And every time we'd say this, this has got to be the bottom. And he said, said first, somehow he kept digging lower until he finally did hit his rock bottom and he's such an amazing kid today I say, kid, he's 30. That's a kid. He'll always be my kid, right. But yeah, I know you talk about that and and it's so. Um, what? What's the word?
Speaker 1:I'm struggling for words, which is a bad trait to have in a podcast host that's not a good trait well, if you'd like to talk about that part, about the you know because I recognize it now about you'd think like, okay, here we go, that's enough, right. Oh wait, you're going to go further down. Okay, no, that's it right. And so it's kind of mind-boggling, isn't it? It is, but I think that's what people need to hear and understand and recognize is that there is a difference between making bad choices or making choices at all. Right, if I feel like doing drugs, I'll do drugs, or whatever you want to do. And then there is the necessity. And what I think the biggest problem is is a lot of us I mean, for myself, I thought that it was a me problem, so I kept trying to fix it myself and I crashed and burned every single time because I didn't know what kind of help I needed to ask for anymore.
Speaker 2:Right. You know, had you tried other kinds of help before and and just it didn't work, or Well, I think my for my situation was, you know, because it started off.
Speaker 1:I mean, if we go back for a second, you know it started with the, the pregnancy, the complications, and then the postpartum depression, and all this medication was like one medication after another and one infection and one, you know, I had hiatal hernia and ruptured ovarian cyst, and every time I went back I would get more antibiotics and more pain pills, and so that's kind of where it started, and so I was so far in it without even recognizing it, the monster, until I was really in there. And what I know is you got a problem, fix it. And I didn't know how to fix it.
Speaker 2:That in and of itself is a problem, right? Yeah, and it's so easy because it seems like the medical whatever these days they do, they just throw pills at anything you've got, and it's no wonder that we have a problem in this country, right?
Speaker 1:Right. And so when I mean this was early 2000s, I mean when I hit, the bottom was 2013,. But I'm telling you that nobody said one word to me about addiction. I'm the one who said you know, I feel like I'm taking too much medication, like every time I don't need it. Then I would kind of, you know, like kind of an as is would come back so intense and I take a bunch of medication, but I couldn't catch up to it and it was a weird cycle that way, and if you don't know anything about it, you just you're doing what comes normal.
Speaker 2:Right. You know, whatever normal is. Whatever normal is, yeah, normal should always be in quotation marks, because there is no one such. No one thing is normal for anybody for any different person is normal for anybody for any different person. Um, so when you finally woke up and said this is not where I want to be, I have to be somewhere else, how did that process play out?
Speaker 1:Well, there, you know, I kept trying to dopatient programs. But again I was in a dilemma of if I went to my doctor, cause I still did really have physical ails. And so I try to go to the doctor, I get the medication. Nobody would hear like I can't take, that it's making things worse. And then let's try. You know, so it was. I wasn't getting the help there.
Speaker 1:So how do I actually stop doing the drugs, because I really do need them? But you look okay on the outside, what are you complaining about? So I just I didn't know where to go or what to do anymore and I, so it leads me to one day I am, um, bawling my eyes out and I'm at the uh cause I don't know if I mentioned it that the doctor prescribed drugs goes to street drugs. I just I'd given up. I'd given up, but at the same time that got me to this place where I just said, god, why would you want me to suffer so bad? And that was the change. Because I did all of the drugs right then and there, without even knowing that I did it, I wasn't paying attention, and I got up and I walked out. It should have killed me.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I and I got up and I knew cause I had also. I'm not a religious person, but I always have had God in my life.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 1:So at that time I was ashamed, embarrassed, hiding, especially from God. You know, here I am. I'm like I'm the worst of the worst. Look, I don't even know how I got here. Right, right, yeah, and that's another thing. When you're in that deep there's so much negative self-talk going on that.
Speaker 2:self-talk is the worst, isn't it?
Speaker 1:I mean, it was like spiritual warfare.
Speaker 2:Oh, I like that yeah.
Speaker 1:It was. It was too much. I mean it was too much because I wasn't even paying attention to the part that I almost killed myself when I was actually begging for help, you know, but that was the. That's what needed to happen for me to start seeking alternatives, and the alternative was I'm going to go home and I'm going to tell my husband everything. I'm going to say, whatever I need to say to get the help that I need.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:Which made it 10 times worse. Oh no, oh yeah, that was um, but it also showed me that I wasn't making things up in my head. Um, meaning I did not have a support system. I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't really always felt like you didn't have a support system, but this just kind of proved it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I ended up in a mental institution and I got separation papers three days out and I mean I had nothing. I barely had my mind. I didn't even so. Then I went on that journey even right, um.
Speaker 2:So then I went on that journey and then, when you were released, I would imagine, you didn't have any place to go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's how I ended up homeless, oh my god, okay.
Speaker 2:So let's talk about something happier. How? Did you dig yourself out. How did you get to that point? I mean, this was part of it. We're talking about where you were. How did you get out of that?
Speaker 1:So and this is such a big deal too is I kept trying to do these outpatient programs and everything was you know specific to. Okay, we're here, we're working on this, but I still had my mental health issues, I still had my physical ails. So, no matter where I want went, I would always bomb, I would crash because I needed everything. So it was three, about three years, after I went to that first psychiatric hospital.
Speaker 1:After that I had tried to do some outpatient stuff. I had went to the hospital a couple of times, so it was just an ongoing cycle. I had and I still. I think this was divine intervention once again, because I had. I was actually sleeping in people's garages. I was actually sleeping in people's garages, sleeping in my car or couch surfing. I had actually one place I was and I was again. The only people that would let me stay at their homes were people that were not too much better off than I was. So it's not really a healthy or stable environment for me, you know God, and thank you for the couch, but right, so I found a piece of paper with a name and a telephone number that my mother had given me.
Speaker 2:Hey guys, sorry for the interruption. We will be right back with more of my conversation with Jessica right after this. Quick word from another Deluxe Edition Network podcast. How about murder mysteries or hauntings or any kind of fringe subject, anything you can think of? We take on everything because we take on the world. Now you go, take on the world.
Speaker 1:And, mind you, she is, my mother lives in Germany, she's German, so it wasn't like we saw each other all the time. Excuse me, right, but last time she was there she had found a dual diagnosis place and that's the number that I had and I called him, or called the number, and this guy on the line, I mean he knew his stuff, he knew the addict behavior in. Well, I got to have everything figured out. I need to do this. You know cause you you're so wrapped up in that. Um, I got to figure this out Shame, guilt, the stigma, right, if it's not from the.
Speaker 1:You know your, your environment, it's you and how you've been brought up and what you think. You know what the world thinks about this. So you're just in that kind of loop of talking yourself out of over and over without even wrecking. I mean you can't when you're in that you're just not making logical choices or decisions. Right, if you could, you would. So, and this is where this guy is. Just, he knew what to say and the next thing I know I had told him because I didn't want to ask for help anymore. I was just so ashamed of myself and I said I'm not asking anybody for any money. I said the only thing I can think of is my stepbrother flies a lot. Maybe you can ask him if he has some miles. And I mean, it was like whip, whip, whip, like a day or two later and my stepbrother is picking me up and taking me to the airport and I go to a dual diagnosis, taking me to the airport and I go to a dual diagnosis.
Speaker 2:So I'm you know, under a roof where I am. You know it's like a 24-7.
Speaker 1:Sure. It's saved my life.
Speaker 2:Wow, that's amazing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I mean you put in the work this was not, I mean and even after that you put in the work to realize just how special you were and in turn, it's been what? 13 years since, or 11 years?
Speaker 1:It's been what? 13 years since, or 11 years?
Speaker 2:Since my first break, or since yeah, you said 2013?
Speaker 1:13 is when I had that break, yeah.
Speaker 2:So you've spent really the last 11 years not only digging yourself out of that hole.
Speaker 1:11 years not only digging yourself out of that hole but then becoming so much more and helping other people realize that for themselves as well. Right, because I, you know, I and this is such a big learning lesson that I was for myself but that I share with others too because we get blocked. For, first of all, there's a lot of us that do the work by just stopping the behavior, just stopping drinking, just stopping the right. That doesn't mean you've you're, you've healed from the reasons of why you got yourself in there in the first place. Right, there's, there's that. Um, so I, I learned that and then I also. In the beginning, I kept failing because I kept doing what everybody was telling me, what was wrong with me and what I needed to do. So I would hit the wall over and over and over because I still wasn't going down to the root cause. Because once I started doing that, I understood like, oh, I never really loved myself. Well, why is that? Oh, I have a lot of unhealed childhood trauma. Oh, oh, oh. Why is that?
Speaker 2:There's a lot of unpacking going on there.
Speaker 1:And there is and this is what I also know now is when we start something happens to us in life and it's we start pushing or like, oh, that's kind of normal, we're just going to push that down and we're going to get through it. Getting through it is just pushing more crap down. That's why just stopping drinking, just stop doing drugs or whatever, doesn't do anything but push it down until a later time, you're going to eventually. You know, and I think that's probably why I hit the bottomless bottom the way I did is I had done some work for obvious things, but I hadn't really gotten down into the layers of what I think we all need to do is we're human beings having this experience and we don't even know what's coming at us sometimes.
Speaker 2:Right. You know, Do you ever have clients who like and I think maybe this would be like me if I was to do something like that I don't want to know what's in there. I don't want to know what's causing that. It's the fear of that. That's a real fear, right? I don't want to know why I am how I am.
Speaker 1:And you know what you just said. The biggest thing, that is one of the, I would say, 99% of us. That is exactly, exactly how we feel and why we get stuck in our own way because of that fear. And that fear is the unknown.
Speaker 1:Because of all of this, yeah, yeah and it isn't anywhere close to what we think it is. Oh boy, when we know meaning in a positive, when we start, because us humans we want to go to the negative right and we want to think of the worst case scenarios and you know, we just we shift there all the time. But once we start unfolding and peeling back the layers, there is more oh man, genius, a light. Everything positive is under there as well, and that will overpower that initial fear, I guarantee it. Wow.
Speaker 2:So I like on your website you said what she's found is that we are all much more capable than we've been led to believe. We all have our individual superpowers. When you know where to look. How is it that you came to develop that skill Finding out where to look Right? A lot of it has to do with your own experience.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's why I say this was such excitement about that fear, because that is exactly what got me to the place of crashing and getting, because I was afraid. I was afraid to acknowledge what I didn't want to know, because I thought it was going to reveal the real me and you weren't going to like the real you.
Speaker 2:You'd already decided that right.
Speaker 1:Right, I didn't want any of that or I didn't want to know. You know I had some sexual abuse in my younger years and you make stories up around that and oh, if I dig into that, I'll really know more about that. You catastrophize everything that has ever happened in your life and you make it that's fear. I'm not going there, no matter what it is.
Speaker 2:I'm fine, is that? Just a normal reaction to a traumatic event is to sanitize it or pasteurize it, as you said, so we don't have to deal with it.
Speaker 1:Right, the fear of the unknown. Yeah, the fear of the unknown is such a huge block because of another thing is we are so caught up in what we think we know that we allow for any more because it's not taking anything away. You know, I think a lot of people think that I know what I know and they intellectualize it right and that that gets us stuck.
Speaker 2:it gets away I know there's a monster under my bed, but but if I don't look I won't see it and I won't have to deal with it.
Speaker 1:Right, right, right, that's it, that's it.
Speaker 2:Or a monster deep in my soul.
Speaker 1:whatever the case may be, you know, this just came to me. I just thought about this. I mean, imagine pretty much all of us right, pretty much all of us right From the get-go, as children. We have experiences come at us without explanation. What story do we create from the very beginning, and then we have some trauma, and then this happens, happens, and then there's a divorce and then there's right. So imagine what we've created. That isn't even real.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I have all kinds of stories like when I was growing up, but I cannot look back on my life and say I had a bad childhood. Is that because I'm hiding something from myself, or did I really not have a bad childhood?
Speaker 1:I mean that's interesting in itself too, because again we're taught and we we're, we learn what a normal average. You know what this is supposed to look like. So if it looks like that, even though it's not normal and average, because what we base all of that on, I mean think about that. It's like there are so many things that are not healthy, but we made it okay and made it healthy and average and normal because we all sat in a room together and said, okay, let's all agree on this. Okay, it's the lesser of is just it's so cool.
Speaker 2:Because I like the thought of you unlocking people's superpowers for them. That's got to be fulfilling.
Speaker 1:I don't even have really the words for it. I don't even have really the words for it Because I went through it myself and because I'm super and I don't see it as a negative anymore but I am super sensitive. I see things in people that they don't necessarily see in themselves, and then when I see them stuck behind that when they don't need to be, and then get to pull that out, Wow yeah. I wish that for everyone, because we hold ourselves down in so many areas that we just don't need to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh for sure, I know, yeah, oh for sure, I know, yeah, it's amazing. So let's tie this into kindness, because that's what this show is about.
Speaker 1:Good.
Speaker 2:Yes, you said something the other day about accountability to ourselves and it stuck with me and I'm not even sure entirely of the context what we're talking about it with, but it that phrase accountability to ourselves in roof in regards to kindness?
Speaker 1:how, mmm, how I'm struggling, I'm flailing so when I say so in that context, then how I'm kind of putting that together is um, so I I say a lot. When we take accountability for ourselves and we start doing the work, there's peace, power and purpose in that Meaning. When you find your purpose and purpose doesn't mean finding the cure for cancer. Purpose means finding out who you are All the good, the bad, the ugly Because there is peace and there is power in that you don't have to point the finger, you don't have to compare yourself, there is no competition because there is only one of you. I love that. And isn't that a powerful thing? When you can stand up, authentic you, and just say, yeah, I make mistakes, just like anybody else, but you know what I'm good at. And when you allow yourself to be good at what you're good at, you allow others to do the same.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure, sure, oh, that's cool this is me. This is who I am, and you should be who you are too, right yeah?
Speaker 1:and that's a thing. Because we try so hard to be someone we're not, it's like no wonder we're depressed and doing drugs and drinking too much, and over this and over that and searching, searching, searching, when all we have to do is be ourselves right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it would be cool if there was a pill that you could take to just automatically realize that. I'm just saying we had bigger pills. But you know, because and it is it's a lot of work to get to where you are and not everybody can do what you do. You, you said it yourself You're just very intuitive and not everybody is. You said it yourself, you're just very intuitive and not everybody is. But it's a lot of work.
Speaker 1:And I would imagine a lot of tears to get there. Yes and yes, and I do. You know I get asked sometimes too with like, oh, how long did it take you? And that is the there's something in that with we're not supposed to be comparing ourselves with anyone. And it took me a long time, also because I crashed and burned over and over and over, because I kept thinking and searching for something outside of myself. Right, we could. If we could focus like I have a program for 90 days if we could actually do that work where we're focusing on I'm not going to worry about the outside noise and just concern myself about myself and this work. You can move mountains. The thing that stands in our way is ourselves.
Speaker 2:Yep, yeah, and I know people who have been in therapy for decades and I'm like, and I'm like I'm fine the way I am. Am I really Probably not, but I'm okay with it Because I'm too lazy. I don't want to do that work. I don't want to go through that pain, that heartbreak and whatever else might be down there.
Speaker 1:And I get that, I totally get that.
Speaker 2:I totally get that.
Speaker 1:However, that is a that's that's learned, right, yeah, and once we start diving in a little bit, it's kind of like who am I, and then who am I really? And once you start really loving yourself for who you are, with all the whatever, that in itself is priceless. Yeah, yeah, you have no idea, because you're not just changing yourself, you are a leader and showing and leading by example.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you do it for your family. You do it for everybody, past, present and future, just by you doing the work.
Speaker 2:I don't want any of my ancestors to know who I am. No, that's not true, jessica. I could talk to you for days because this is so much fun, but I know you have a life. I so appreciate you coming on for a half hour or so with me and I wish you the best of luck on your new book. I don't know that I have it from you yet, but I will get it and make sure that it goes into the show notes, the link for your book Great Now from tragedy to triumph, and I appreciate what you do and for your openness and for sharing with at least a couple people.
Speaker 1:I appreciate your time and the conversation. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Well, I am going to let you go. You have a fantastic week. I'll talk to you a little bit offline, but thank you again, jessica. Jessica Summers, ladies and gentlemen, thank you. Take care and have a good rest of your week, jessica.
Speaker 1:Thanks, you too. Bye.
Speaker 2:Hey guys, I really hope you enjoyed this conversation with Jessica Summers. What an amazing soul, right I mean. I hope that all of us can take something positive away from this conversation. Like I don't know, perseverance, strength to rise up from where she was to where she is now is nothing short of amazing, I think, and I hope that you can take that and maybe use it in your own life as well. That will do it for this episode of the Kindness Matters podcast, for this week. I appreciate you listening. Make sure you follow us on all of your social media channels and we will be back again next week with another episode. Of course, in the meantime, be that person who roots for others, who tells a stranger that they look amazing and encourages others to believe in themselves and their dreams. I'm Mike Rathbun, your host, and you have been listening to the Kindness Matters podcast. Have a fantastic week.
