The Kindness Matters Podcast
So. Much. Division. Let's talk about how to change that. Re-engage as neighbors, friends, co-workers and family. Let's set out to change the world. Strike that. Change A World. One person at a time, make someone's life a little better and then do it again tomorrow and the day after that, through kindness.
Kindness is a Super-Power that each of us has within us. It is so powerful it has the potential to change not only your life but those around you, too. Let's talk about kindness.
The Kindness Matters Podcast
Adrian Booher on the Golden Rule
Ever wondered how ancient principles can shape modern parenting and personal well-being? Join us on the Kindness Matters Podcast as we chat with Adrian Booher, author of "Love Yourself First," about the timeless Golden Rule's roots and relevance today. Adrienne provides valuable insights from her journey of raising ten children, focusing on the importance of treating each child as a unique individual. We explore how breaking free from ingrained patterns can cultivate a kinder, more empathetic environment for our kids.
In another compelling segment, Adrienne takes us through the core themes of her book, "Love Yourself First: Finding Joy in the Golden Rule." She shares her discovery that true kindness often requires tough love and honesty, even when it's difficult. Adrienne opens up about her own struggles with self-neglect and the resentment it bred, emphasizing the importance of self-care for healthier relationships. We also offer practical tips on embodying the Golden Rule in your daily life and give you a sneak peek into Adrienne’s upcoming companion piece, "Friend Yourself First." Tune in for a transformative conversation on self-reflection and empathy.
The Kindness Matters Podcast is part of the DEN-The Deluxe Edition Network. Check them out to find your next favorite podcast.
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Speaker 3:Kindness, we see it all around us. We see it when someone pays for someone else's coffee or holds the door open for another person. We see it in the smallest of gestures, like a smile or a kind word. But it's different when we turn on the news or social media. Oftentimes, what we hear about what outlets are pushing is the opposite of kind. Welcome to the Kindness Matters Podcast. Our goal is to give you a place to relax, to revel in stories of people who have received or given kindness, a place to inspire and motivate each and every one of us to practice kindness every day. Hey, hello there and welcome to the show everybody. Welcome to you and you and you and you and I see you over there behind the plant. You're hiding, pretending not to listen, but you're listening, thank you. Welcome to the Kindness Matters show everybody.
Speaker 3:I am your host, mike Rathbun, and we have a fantastic show for you today. As you may have noticed, we are a member of the Deluxe Edition Network of Podcasts, and one of the cool things the Deluxe Edition does is they have a podcast of the Deluxe Edition Network of Podcasts, and one of the cool things the Deluxe Edition does is they have a podcast of the month this month. For the month of July, that podcast is the Real Drunks Podcast. That's R-E-E-L. It's a movie companion podcast where you can join Matt, jake and their guests as they watch and discuss their favorite movies, along with other random off-the-wall topics. Make sure you enjoy, as things usually go off the rails. Also, make sure to check out the show notes, where you will find links and discount codes for two companies I have partnered with Sunday Scaries, a company that makes broad-spectrum CBD gummies, and Coffee Bros, who make an amazing blend of coffees. I use both of these products and they are nothing short of amazing.
Speaker 3:Now let's get into the show. Hey, welcome everybody to the show the Kindness Matters podcast. Hey, welcome everybody to the show the Kindness Matters podcast. I've got a great guest for you today and we're going to talk about some really good things, something that I've had in my mind for quite a while. My guest is a speaker, the author of the book Heal Yourself First, love Yourself.
Speaker 3:First, Love Yourself First yes, the mother of 10, the grandmother of eight, my special guest, adrienne Boer. Welcome to the show, adrienne.
Speaker 1:Thank you, so glad to be here.
Speaker 3:I did so much prep for this and I screwed up the book title.
Speaker 1:Love Yourself First, which is available on Amazon.
Speaker 3:We'll have a link to it in the show notes, so look for that. Awesome. How is your day so far? I realize it's early, but uh, and thank you for doing this. How's your day so far, Adrienne?
Speaker 1:My day is beautiful so far. I've been looking forward to talking to you.
Speaker 3:Excellent, yeah, me too, cause, and so this topic is. I mean, obviously it's the Kindness Matters podcast, and so we're talking about kindness, but there's when we talk about kindness, there's one theme that always runs through my head and I'm always thinking about it, and that is the golden rule, right.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:Treat others as you would have them treat you, and it runs through every major, even minor, religions in the world, right. Yes, it does that whole, that it may be written a little differently for some of the other religions, but it's all the same thing, this idea that we should treat each other no better, no worse than we would like to be treated ourselves. Yeah, and that was the inspiration for your book, right? Yes, it was, it was, it was.
Speaker 1:The earliest form that I found when I was doing my research is like 2000 BC.
Speaker 3:BC.
Speaker 1:It basically is used in one way or another in every faith, tradition or philosophy, as early as mankind began writing. Wow.
Speaker 3:And yet here we are today, and a lot of us like to say it, but not a lot of us actually practice it.
Speaker 1:Right? Well, because we don't truly do the mental gymnastics it takes to understand what it really means it really means Sure and so. But now you said you, you used this you used the golden rule when you were raising your children. Is that right?
Speaker 3:Yes, Well, I tried. I'm human, Right, I mean all of us fall short, right, but but um, so how did that play out? How did uh, how did that work with your children?
Speaker 1:It gave me a better frame of reference. Most of us raise our children and treat others just the way that we learned growing up, the patterns we learned. And it gave me a frame of reference for thinking okay, this just the way that we learned growing up, the patterns we learned. And it gave me a frame of reference for thinking okay, this is the way I've what I've been doing, because I didn't. It took me several years of child raising probably a decade or a little more to really understand why it was important in the home.
Speaker 3:Okay, and why was that?
Speaker 1:Because our children are people too Right. We see them, they're so close to us, they're a part of us and we see them kind of as an extension of ourselves and we just take out on them whatever pops up. You know what, however, we were treated as a child is so ingrained we just spit it out. Yeah, and that's what they get.
Speaker 3:Sure, and I know a lot of us. I know I was like I will never raise my kids like my dad raised me, or you know I'm never going to be like and invariably right.
Speaker 1:You hear yourself saying what's that? I say oh my goodness, I sound so much like my mom right now.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you end up saying stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about. That was one of my dad's favorites. I'm like the first time I said that I'm like I was appalled because I'm like dang it. I said I wasn't gonna do that. It just comes out, it does it, does um and so and we were talking about how. So you think everybody just reverts back to the way they were raised when they're raising their kids. And is there any way to get away from that?
Speaker 1:Basically because we have those patterns. We're creatures of habits, ingrained in us, what we learned, what was repeated year after year after year, you know, for 16, 18 years, until we rebel or go away, but then we find ourselves back in this very same situation, the same relationship. When we have kids and boom, our brain automatically goes back to that place.
Speaker 2:True.
Speaker 1:And we repeat that, until we take some intentional action.
Speaker 3:Okay, interesting. Yeah, thinking about my mom. My dad was the hardcore guy. My mom was always. She was a big one for the golden rule. She quoted that quite often, but also thumper.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:Come Bambi. If you can't say nothing, nice, don't say nothing at all.
Speaker 1:That was our house too. I'd go remember the thumper rule.
Speaker 3:The thumper rule. I like it. So what actions can we take to reverse that?
Speaker 1:It's a stop sign, I mean whether it's a stop sign in your mind or you know that little pause, you know the little double thing in your mind. Just, you need to intentionally plant something that makes you stop, that, that keeps you. Because going into these patterns is a choice. You make a decision yeah, not to think about what you're doing. You make a decision to just spit it out. It's not a hard decision, it's not a particularly intentional decision, but it is a decision that you make to just move forward, to go ahead and making the decision wait, I'm going to stop. You know, and it takes some time to install that new programming To say, oh, wait, would I want my parent to do that to me?
Speaker 1:Did I like it? And not just did I like it, did I need it? Because the golden rule is not just about being nice. Oh yeah, I know, golden rule, you got to be nice. It's about intentional action. Nice, it's about intentional action because sometimes you just need to be told something and I would think, okay, if I am kind of in a spin and I need to be told something, would I want somebody to do that for me? If the answer is yes, then I'm going to go ahead and do that hard thing and say something that's not particularly nice but maybe needs to be said.
Speaker 3:Hey guys, we'll be right back with more of my interview with Adrienne Boer right after these messages from another great Deluxe Edition Network podcast.
Speaker 2:Are you tired of seeing the world through a whitewashed or Eurocentric lens? Do you want to learn how to view the world from a more black point of view? Then check out Afrocentric, the podcast that explores the importance of an Afrocentric gaze while navigating white spaces, hosted by me, morgan Gray. Each episode features thought-provoking conversations on black culture, black perspectives, as well as the black experience, because here we understand that black lives are not a monolithic experience and there is more than one way to view it.
Speaker 2:Our goal is always to advocate, discuss and inform Black Americans about the importance of evolving past their perspectives through an Afrocentric lens. Subscribe to Afrocentric today on your favorite podcast platform and join the conversation on social media using hashtag Afro century. I'll talk to you guys soon. Bye-bye.
Speaker 3:Right, because kindness doesn't necessarily always mean sugar and and you know it's it's sometimes telling somebody something that they probably don't want to hear or that on the outside would not necessarily look kind. But it's for the person's best interest, in the person's best interest, yes. Yeah so talk to me a little bit about your book Love Yourself First. So talk to me a little bit about your book Love Yourself First. I got it right this time.
Speaker 1:You did, you did. The subtitle is Finding Joy in the Golden Rule.
Speaker 3:Okay, that's the subtitle.
Speaker 1:Yes, finding Joy in the Golden Rule, and it came about. We talked about how I realized I needed to be using it with my children in my home, as well as with my husband, and I thought that would make a great book, you know, and from a mom who has 10 kids, who wouldn't want a book right from somebody who you know is still sane? So far so I started writing out these principles with the view of a parenting book, but then I got to started writing and this was like over 20 years ago.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:And I started writing very intently. I bought a program. I, you know, found a mentor and I, okay, I was going very intently. I bought a program, I found a mentor and I was going to do this finally, after just jotting things down on random pieces of paper here and there, Sticky notes all over.
Speaker 3:Right, right, and so I got to the part where I was explaining the golden rule, because the magic of the golden rule comes in that pause, in that stop button, where you have to say, well, what would I want here?
Speaker 1:Right, that's the magic. That's where you have to go inside and understand who you are, understand what you do want. What do I want? And that was like a bombshell to me what do I want? I spent so much time trying to figure out. You know, what everybody else wants, what everybody else expected of me.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But I didn't think I truly knew what I wanted.
Speaker 3:I think as a mom especially, and not a mom obviously as a parent. Yeah, as a parent, you always put everybody else's needs first, right? But yet when you fly, what's the one thing they tell you? Put on your own oxygen mask first, so you can help the others.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:Is that? That is that kind of the principle of the book.
Speaker 1:In checking in with yourself, you validate yourself, you become a more present person for yourself, and then you can present yourself in any situation as a more secure and grounded person.
Speaker 3:Which improves any interaction and every relationship. Oh for sure, I can only imagine maybe I can't even imagine parenting 10 kids. What was the age range?
Speaker 1:there First. I try not to imagine it, because I get overwhelmed too when I start to think about it.
Speaker 3:Talk about putting yourself last. You're not coming in like even third.
Speaker 1:You're coming in like well, if you take your husband into account you're coming in like 12th, yes, and that almost destroyed me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can only imagine yes, and that almost destroyed me, yeah, like a pneumonia, when I realized so that book I was writing as a parenting book as it started out, turned into a self-reflection book. It's like wait a minute. Wait a minute because I realized, and in writing all my notes, I thought well, you need to acknowledge a child for who they are, not for who you want them to be. And I thought do I even acknowledge myself?
Speaker 1:oh and the answer was mostly no okay so, as I began to acknowledge myself and understand where my heart was was I doing this in resentment or was I doing this in love? And I found that because I wasn't including myself mostly, it turned toward resentment more and more, and I knew it needed to change, and this book helped me do that.
Speaker 3:That's awesome. Book helped me do that.
Speaker 1:That's awesome, and you're working on a sequel or a workbook a companion piece to the first book and it is a standalone. It can be a standalone, it doesn't depend on the other book. It's not like we'll go to chapter two and do this exercise or whatever. It will be a standalone, but it does complement and it's called friend yourself first, so it's a more active yeah notation even in the title wow.
Speaker 3:So, as we're looking at our world today and I realize this is not necessarily about ourselves, well, it kind of is about ourselves Do you have any examples or tips for becoming someone that takes that into account? Because I imagine it would require the same thing that you're talking about with your children raising your children, whatever, now, whatever. That sounded dismissive, I apologize, but that stop and think, that action. How do we pull ourselves into that? When we're having an interaction, maybe with somebody that we don't necessarily agree with on whatever level? How can we make ourselves stop and think about how would they feel if I said what I want to say right now?
Speaker 1:So your question is how do you start implementing that kind of action?
Speaker 3:Yeah, are there tips that you have that can help us initiate that pause, that stop, before we speak ill?
Speaker 1:I know that everyone is a little bit different and that's built into the golden rule too. What I want someone to take my differences into consideration. You know like I'm going to feed somebody ice cream. Are they lactose intolerant? Well, I like ice cream, so I give them ice cream. No, that's not all. That's not all. It is the golden rule is self-correcting Right.
Speaker 1:I would want them to take into account my differences. So everybody's going to be a little bit different. You know, everybody processes things a little bit differently, so I can't really say what's going to work for you. As far as installing that For me, it was like I would fast forward a conversation in my mind, say wait, where is this going to take me? And I would think, no, I don't want to go there. I really don't want to go there because that's where it has been going for way too long.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, yeah, I would just see what is this going to be in five minutes and Okay, no, I don't want that, and that is the one thing. That is what would stop me from going.
Speaker 3:That would give you the ability to shift a little bit and maybe make the conversation a little bit more polite.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:Right, well, that's awesome Because I've talked to other people and a lot of us. We don't listen to listen. We listen to respond.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:And I think if we were more active about it and listened more and thought more before we opened our yaps, that the place, this whole world, would be a little bit better place, I think, a little bit more agreeable totally oh yeah, um. So, to sum up, I, I think it's, I think it's great that, that you were able to, and so you've come to the point now where you're more at peace. Are you a coach, a life coach also?
Speaker 1:I run workshops, okay, and I have started at the request of a friend. I started doing a little bit of one-on-one coaching and it's been fun, so I am thinking about adding it to the mix.
Speaker 3:There's a lot of self-satisfaction there, when you can help somebody else get to a better place. Right right and, and you know, we all want, we all want to do something in the world that satisfies us but also makes the world a little better place. I think, yes, yes and I, I think that's a natural next step for you.
Speaker 1:Thank you I think you'd be perfect at it.
Speaker 3:Thank you well, adrienne. Thank you so much for taking the time to come on today. I really appreciate your message and I will highly recommend your book. As a matter of fact, after we're done here, I'll go on Amazon and give it a review, because I think it was awesome yeah, thank you so much for the invitation, mike it's a good message.
Speaker 3:It's a great message because I think it was awesome. Yeah, thank you so much for the invitation, mike. It's a good message. It's a great message and I think more people need to hear it, and so all of Adrienne's information will be in the show notes, as well as links to her book on Amazon. I highly encourage you to take a look at it and check her out on.
Speaker 1:I highly encourage you to take a look at it and check her out. Yes, and it has seven common sense steps that you can use to instill the golden rule more completely in your life.
Speaker 3:Perfect Seven steps is easy. I can do seven steps. Thank you for your time today, Adrienne. I really appreciate it. We will talk again soon.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much, Mike. Enjoy your great day.
Speaker 3:You too. Bye-bye, bye, adrienne Boer, ladies and gentlemen, boy, that was a great show, wasn't it? I mean, it really is as simple as following the golden rule, is it not? Treat other people the way you want to be treated. It's so easy to say and yet somehow so hard to do. I hope you took away some good tips and tricks from this episode. I know I took away a couple, but let's start treating everybody the way we want to be treated.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much for tuning in this week to listen to the show. I absolutely adore you for doing that. Okay, adore might be. I really like you for doing that. We will be back again next week with another episode. And while you're thinking, go make sure to check us out on all of our social media accounts Facebook page Kindness Matters Podcast. Instagram Kindness Matters Podcast. Tiktok Kindness Matters Pod. I think we're everywhere on socials. We'd love it if you'd come and follow us and watch our content. We would very much appreciate that. And while you're thinking and subscribing, remember to be that person who roots for others, who tells a stranger that they look amazing and encourages others to believe in themselves and their dreams. You've been listening to the Kindness Matters Podcast. I am your host, mike Rathbun. Have a fantastic week.
